I
wish I could say I always get it right. But I don't. Because more
times than I would care to admit, I fail... miserably... and I
literally dislike the person I am.
I
say things I don't mean. I withhold forgiveness too often. I fail
to love enough and sacrifice very little, all the while demanding
more. I can be selfish and greedy, narrow-minded and judgmental.
And
the thing is, I know almost in an instant when my bad behavior rears
it's ugly head. I can know in my heart and in my head that a certain
behavior pattern is destructive, but I do it anyway.
And
wasn't it Paul in Romans 7:15 who tells us of his human struggle as
well?
“I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead I do what I hate.”
And
in the words of my teenage daughter who would use this phrase to
describe much of her problems in this particular season of her
life... “The struggle is real.”
Because
there are days I just want a do-over. Another day to get it right.
My story, though much of it beautiful, is too, filled with potholes
and u-turns. Much of who I have become is a story of grace and
goodness, and I am enormously grateful for my journey and for the
obstacles I have overcome. But this pavement is rocky and steep and
some days it's a battle to be good and do good. Because the head
doesn't always translate well to the feet, and good intentions get
interrupted by bad decisions and insufficient actions.
But
there is good news... My story isn't over!
Every
day I am presented with an opportunity to write a better story.
Because,
“...His mercies are new every morning.” {Lam 3:23}
Yesterday
is gone. It's history. And I could choose to live in the past,
regretting all the mistakes I have made, or I could rise up, press
pen to paper and write a better story starting today. It's not too
late.
My
daughter participated in Narnia, the musical, this past weekend and
it was an amazing story of grace and forgiveness. In the end of the
story the lion, Aslan, who is a representation of Christ, and who
sacrificed his own life (and was raised to life again) for the young
boy, Edmund, participates in a crowning ceremony – making all four
sibling children kings and queens of Narnia following the triumphant
overpowering of the white witch. After Aslan has crowned each child,
he gives them one instruction. He says, “Once a king or queen
in Narnnia, always a king or queen in Narnia. Bare it well.”
As
a believer, I am a representative of Jesus Christ. It is His name
that I am required to honor with my life. And every day I have a
choice. I can compromise His reputation or I can bare His name well
by writing a better story.
As
the close of another year approaches and a new one begins, I reflect
on the person I want to be. Because I could love more, I could
forgive more, I could risk more, and I could trust more. I could
appreciate more, care more, sacrifice more, and extend grace more.
Today I could stretch out my palms to give more. Because in giving
more, I am living more. And God cannot use clenched fists shut
tight. He can only change us when we come willing to bare it well
and participate in the writing of a better story. One that speaks of
His goodness and love. And my story can be a direct reflection of
the sacrificial love shown to me when I did nothing to deserve it.
This
is my story and I wholeheartedly desire to write something worth
reading.
Finding JOY in the JOurneY,
#writingabetterstory
#messagesinthemess
