Watching

I remember where I was when I heard her say it to me.  A friend.  One who knows this heart of mine and all it’s broken pieces.  One who had walked beside me in the pain.  One who understood the fear and related well to all of the unanswered questions.

We were having coffee.  And she said the words my heart had longed to hear.  “The story that will come from this is going to be amazing - and I can’t wait to watch it all unfold!”

She wouldn’t know the impact of those words.

But my heart would always remember.

Because the reality sometimes is more painful than we’d like to admit.
And sometimes the fear of the unknown is more frightening than we’d care to claim.

But God is always good.
And we are always loved.
And His faithfulness, honestly, endures forever and ever and ever.

And I remember well the day I turned to my husband who was facing an enormous amount of grief, and I said the words out loud.  The ones that easily left the lips, but were still a little more challenging to live, “Oh how God is going to use this!  He’s gonna make something beautiful from it - and I think it’s going to look much different than we could ever dream up or imagine ourselves!”

Oh sometimes the mouth speaks even before the heart has had a chance to process.
And it’s so for the one who seeks after the heart of God.
Because He speaks to the HEART.  And out of the mouth the heart speaks.
Ah, yes, so it’s important what is stored inside of there.  SO important!

And as time has a way of doing… it flew by.  Months and months would pass.  Days that somehow in the moment seemed to last an eternity, but now, by miracle and looking back appear to have disappeared at warp speed.

The days that were painful - but filled with Presence!

Because through it all - He never left us.
Not for one minute - NOT ONE - were we ever forsaken or abandoned or forgotten. 
Not once were we neglected, rejected, or discarded.

He answered every prayer.
He sent the right people.
He gave when we lacked.
He patiently waited when we doubted.
He listened when we cried.

He remained steadfast in His love and extended to us crazy, radical, relentless grace that we did nothing to deserve.

And I would hear it in the words of the song that’s been on repeat in my brain for weeks and weeks, “Now Im standing in confidence, with the strength of your faithfulness; and I’m not who I was before…”

That’s it.

And isn’t that the point, really?

To not be the same as I was before?
To be different?

Because every pain has purpose.
And in every hurt there is hope.

And so I can be thankful for the discomfort that lead us to this place.
I can rejoice in the disappointment that threatened destruction.  Ahh - - because what does not kill us makes us stronger, right?
Absolutely right!

And so now as we stand looking forward - we wait.  And we watch. 
I sort of feel like Habakkuk… “I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guard post.  There I will wait to see what the Lord says and how He will answer me.” (Hab 2:1)

Because my word this year… following a season of waiting… is watch.
WATCH.  From Psalm 130:5.

It’s my season to watch what He will do.

And He’s already doing!
Because He loves us that much!
He loves all of us… THAT much!

We will stand in this season and watch.
And yes, friend, I’m already so anxious to see it all unfold!

To be continued….