When You're Not Sure Why

I didn't know how to respond to that question... "What's wrong?"  when he asked me at the end of a hard day.  It was a Tuesday.

I couldn't name it.

For some reason I couldn't define the thing that was holding me captive.

The tears flooded the eyes, the pain tightened in the chest and I couldn't for the life of me decide what to blame it on.

And some days are like that, aren't they?

Some days are just hard.

I wanted to run away.  That day.  In fact I had said so.  Out loud.  And even as the words were leaving my lips I wanted to take them back.  But something in me felt broken.  And as hard as I tried to find joy... I couldn't.

What had happened to the joy?

And some days joy is easy to find.  Some days we wake to this feeling of joy and of song and dance.  Some days are filled with glee and giddiness.

And other days the sadness sets in and makes itself at home within our soul.

And these are the days we have to keep fighting.  Keep pressing on.  Keep searching for joy.

Life can... and will knock us down.  And here's the thing... we were never promised a thorn-free life.

In fact... just the opposite is true...

"Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrow."  {John 16:33a}

So why am I then so surprised when the pain sets in?

Because the world can be so ugly.
This broken world with all of it's disappointments can become the very thing that blocks our view of Jesus.
Stare too long at the bitterness and selfishness and arrogance of the world and it can blind us to the goodness of God and the beauty of His gifts.

And was that it?

Had my eyes veered off temporarily to the gifts of God?  Had I allowed myself moments of unappreciation for the blessings that had never left?

Because joy is always a choice.

And choosing to see through the ugliness of the world is the first step into joy in Christ.

I had read it before in Mark, chapter 8.  The story of Jesus healing a blind man.
In a way only Jesus could make beautiful, he spit on the man's eyes and asked him...

"Can you see anything now?"

The man looked around and said,

"I see people, but I can't see them very clearly.  They look like trees walking around."  {NLT}

Then Jesus placed His hands on the man's eyes again, and his eyes were opened.  His sight was completely restored, and he could see everything clearly.

He could see everything clearly.

He had, indeed, found joy!

I had been that blind man whose sight was only temporarily restored.  I could see, but not very clearly.  But when I made the choice to come before Jesus and ask for His help... my vision was restored completely.

The joy is there for our eyes to see.  We just have to want to see.  We have to choose to see.

We can choose to see with eyes wide open the gifts... His graces... that have always been right in front of us.  Because Jesus is the restorer of sight and He is the gift-giver and we make the choice daily to fight for joy.  We can choose to see the broken world for all of it's faults and failures... or we can choose to see the world for all of it's beauty and wonder.

And I choose joy every time.

Jesus... I want to see!

Restore my sight so that I can see Your goodness... Your gifts.

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,