The Why And The What

I used to think it was improper to ask God the question of "why?" I used to believe that it was exhibiting distrust when I would ask Him why something was happening in my life... as though I couldn't rely on Him and His goodness.

And maybe some of the why's never get answered this side of eternity.

But maybe asking this sincere question is simply evidence of my ongoing relationship with Him.

When I am in relationship with my spouse, for instance, asking "why" in certain situations is more than acceptable and reasonable.

"Why are you upset with me?"

"Why are we hurting each other like this?"

I think it's okay that we ask God the why question.

"Why is this happening?"

"Why am I still in this battle?"

"Why haven't I seen breakthrough yet?"

But I think we must take it a step further.

The why in addition to the what.

Lately I am asking myself a new question.

Take yesterday for example.

It was a hard day.

A painful day.

A day filled with life inconveniences, disappointment, and a debilitating condition I have been struggling with for 3 weeks.

As I was pulling away from the store after an already exhausting day mid afternoon, I had a long conversation with the Lord.

And I was honest with Him.

"This hurts", I said.

"And I have no explanation for what is going on."

"And I sense my attitude getting worse."

"Why is this happening, God?"

And then in my spirit I felt it.

It's okay to ask why.

He longs for me to be in deep communion with Him this way.

I followed it up with this, "What are You doing here, God?"

Not because I deserve an answer.

Not because He owes me insight of His plan.

But because I am desperate to know how He's working and what He wants me to learn as a result.

Oh yes... always the student.

The vessel for the filling.

Our desire when asking the "why" must stem from a passion to learn all we can from the experiences that are uncomfortable, challenging, and painful.

The why in addition to the what.

The prayer in panic should always be - What are you doing, God?

Because I can't afford to be anywhere He's not!